funnies from a friend15:34 Dec 29 2007
Times Read: 636
my new sistah soulmate Airlea lol sent me some FUNNY SHIT !!
thought i would share :)
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Prayer For The Perfect Man
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One whose "Willy" is thick and long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed,
& opens my door,
& begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my Mind,
knows just what to say when I ask, "How big's my behind"?
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin',
In the hall, the shower, the garden and kitchen,
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempts to screw my best friend,
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the Shit Head you sent me instead!!!
Amen
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WHAT WAS in that chili ?!??!
LMMFAO
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shes still sending stuff lol
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added a lil later...
(most of the stuff she sent . i CANT post on VR hahahaahhah
Don't Fart in Bed
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
Loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water
And make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because
It was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was
Perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that
One day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner
And he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had
Put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts
And a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep
And, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
Waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his
Shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
Which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
Footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control
Herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After
Years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
Bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her
Lip as she asked him what was the! matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned m e
And I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts
Out, and today it finally happened.
"But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got
Most of them back in."
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